This isn't meant to be confused with loneliness and despair and inability to adapt. This is more in the vein of insufficiency the need for something and someone greater.
the first moment when the realization hit me that i actually felt alone was sudden and unmistakable and seemed to press so hard against my heart that i felt it might actually crush it. i realize how i try to keep myself busy to ignore these feelings, or try and box them into this emotional indifference and ignore it. somehow though, it is making sense in a single moment of clarity, how small, weak, insufficient, rebellious, and to the deepest parts of my heart how unlike God I really am. He is nothing like me and at this moment and in the state my heart is in, it so easy to see how much i don't reflect my maker. how could I ever actually want God by myself? He is nothing like me, we have nothing in common. I am broken, He is whole. I am alone, He is love. At my very core I am selfish and evil, He is perfection and purity. Reaching past words, He pulls me close. He had to come after me, because I would have never found Him if left alone.
Then I see how He completes me, and how more than ever I need Him now. He is completion by himself, but left a massive hole and an unmistakable and unquenchable desire for closeness that can only be filled by Himself. Doesn't that make sense though? If I'm made in His image, but am still empty then I must be filled. Truly I understand at this moment that I really am just the vase that holds the flower, or the cup that holds the water, or the sails that catch the wind. Any of those things by themselves are useless. Their contents bring the worth. But like the wick of a candle, I need the flame from an outside source. A candle can't light itself. A candle is worth nothing but the wax it is unless it burns, then it brings light.
He sees me as I will be. I already am to Him. I am His child, His finished product, His very image when He looks on me with love. Patience is easier when you know what's ahead, and I think He does. Yet, He painstakingly fine tunes me at every moment and every turn, removing unyielding fruit and desire as I keep my faith pointing home.
Faith is all we have, but quite simply all we need.
Through followers of Jesus like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels! (Eph 3:10 MSG)
